a thought from today

نحن نعيش يوما بيوم ..ساعة بساعة ..دقيقة بدقيقة ..ثانية بثانية نعيش ونعيش ونحن مرتبطون برقاص الساعة..فهل هذه حياة؟؟؟

a question from today

are you satisfied with merely knowing the acts of God, or do you still want to know His ways???

somebody please tell me its not just me?

why??

i wake up this morning with the following  question on my mind:

why we can't have hearts just like hair??

i mean hearts that you can cut it any time then it grows stronger and better as if it's brand new??

why??

answers would be very appreciated virtual world ...

just a question

Have you ever wondered what hurts the most Falling apart because you're alone or being alone because you're falling apart??!!

its not a quote its a question

"all well in love and ware" ???


would love to get an answer to this question please

question mark

Why do we say things we can't take back??
and why do we miss what we never had?"

fullstop

i was angry and in huge emotional pain, but now i am not stating a fact now i was sad with you, that's how i remember it now, always sad for me, or for something that's happening to you, or even sad because of something you did to me, or something i did to you. but now it doesn't matter anymore the anger, the pain, the sadness everything. i know i am not well yet, but it doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters anymore all i can say is that i am enjoying feeling free, enjoying being real,enjoying the comforting peaceful fact that i don't have to take any more risks for you, "actually i decided not to take any risks for anyone ever again" i am enjoying the stat of no worry and the calmness that comes from it i am enjoying being just me without being obligated to be a friend, a lover, a mother, a therapist. i am somehow comfortable with the idea that we reached a cross road, where there's no turning back, because this mean no more waiting, no more talks, no more fear, no more tears i am happy being alone with me, that's the only person on earth that i am 100% sure will be here for me when in need . and even if i ended up dying alone it doesn't matter anymore, because it'll be my choice.. ME

anybody knows the answer?

How can you escape from a prison that you can’t find the walls that contain you?

a little conversation with myself

p.s I apologize for this exhausting-to-read post. Feel free to ignore it, it's just another brain dump, to free some brain cells for some positive thinking! Older, not wiser, just older. I feel thirty something, I'm not even twenty eight yet, well, will be in a couple of months anyway. بس مش دى المشكلة دلوقتى . saso, you gained experience, you're smarted, stronger and more settled in what you want in life. yes, I'm tired, exhausted and still as lost and clueless. و بعدين انا مش فهمه , فين المشكلة بالضبط؟ You passed through many different types of shit, and you came out strong, why break down now? هو حد جيه جنبك؟ I'm reallytired, stronger على عينى و راسى. بس كل مرة a small un-recoverable part of my is broken; Yes, I do move on, but I leave a layer of me behind. I don't know how many layers I lost.. I don't know how many remain, but I feel like I lost more than I should, and that all is left is a ghost of what used to be saso بتاعة زمان ghost ايه و نيلة اية? يوه بئه لا و الله بجد.. I feel this weird emptiness. I try to fill my time to give some meaning to my existence. Ya3ni people come and ask me "what do you do?", and I say I am working all day, I write sometimes, I read a lot, I like music, movies, art and culture, I go to the gym, sometimes spend time with friends and read Quraan, religion among other things. But all that, still , doesn't define what I do or who I am. ياااااا بتجيبى وقت لكل ده منين اصلا !! طب تصدقى و تأمنى بالله لا اله الا الله يا سدتى I have so much time on my hands that it suffocates me. You know The Scream by Edvard Munch; that was me, in the picture, screaming my lungs out. Not that anyone else can hear me of course طاب فيه ايه؟ I don't really know.. I can think of the following words; big, strong, violent and fast. Big plans? Violent change? Fast life? A big strong punching bag which I can beat violently , and I want it fast? A strong drink or drug, that makes me happy fast? A big , strong dude who sweeps me off my feet fast and makes me fall in love violently? Like that exists! (PS, that was just used such that these combination of words are not used in other sentences making your mind wonder) Fast car ride in the big dessert! Strong wind in my hair! Violet waves crushing on the shore! مش عارفة بقى!.. I cant think of the full sentence , just like when you're stuck in a loop trying to remember the lyrics to your favorite song. Or trying to remember the day your heart got broken when all you could remember was your first date! ليه بس كده يا بنتى بس؟ Why violence? Why strength, speed? And why the hell big? Why not a simple quite life زي باقى الناس? ولا انت هاتفضلى دايما كدة تعبانى معاكى? ما هو بجد بقى موضوع باقى الناس هو الى جايبنى وره Right now, i'm leading a simple and quite life.. and i'm boring myself to death. The only thing that needs to be quite a bit is my tongue; I talk too much, much more than any average person would. I'm always in trouble because of it. But still, this isn't it. طب انت عايزة ايه بس, ربنا يهديك؟ I wish my brain would be quite.. not talking what's on your mind is relatively easy (for most normal people), but the hard part, is not having something on your mind, so you resist saying it. Imagine that.. saso has nothing to say.. that will be the day walahi! لا والله بجد Consider something happening, big, strong, violent and fast enough, that will leave me quite... not only quite from the outside, but really quite, from inside...

how/question mark

How does it feel When you still have the pain Of wounds that will never heal?? When you still can taste the sweetness Of the moments you have stolen from life? How does it feel When you never can tell What was fake from what was real? How could you know That you'll have a different ending For your show That what was meant to be Was to let go How could you know That you'll never stop swimming against the flow How long did it last? And how sweet did it taste? And if the future is the past How many lives you'll waste?

question mark

some people say they love you , but they keep trying to change you.!! So what is it that you love about me, if you want to turn me into someone else??

about love and war

they claim that all is fair in love and war, but I need an answer to this: In affairs of love (and war), when is letting go a strength?? and when is it a weakness?? Does hanging on mean that one is too weak to let go and move on?? or that one is strong enough to admit one's feelings and to hang on to a (non-existent) glimpse of a hope??? Or is it -just like most things- another gray area??

exclamation mark

the intro why do we have high buildings and wide highways, but short temperaments and narrow points of view!! why do We spend more, but enjoy less! why do We have big houses, but small families! why do We have more compromises, but less time.! why do We have more knowledge, but less judgment! why do We have more medicines, but less health! why do We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values! why do We talk much! why do we love only a little! why do we hate too much! We reached the moon and came back, but we find it troublesome to cross our own street and meet our neighbors. We have conquered the outer space, but not our inner space. We have higher income, but less morals… we live in times with more liberty, but less joy… With much more food, but less nutrition… These are times of finer houses, but more broken homes. the conclusion do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a special occasion. Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to the needs. spend more time with your family, eat your favorite food, visit the place you love. Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment; it isn’t only survival. Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume… use it every time you feel you want it. Take out from your vocabulary phrases like, “one of these days” and “someday”. Let’s write that letter we thought of writing “one of these days…” tell your families and friends how much you love them. Never pass up a chance at adding laughter and joy to your life. Every day, hour, and minute are special… Because you never know if it will be your last… and trust me “one of these days” can be very far away, and you may not be there to see it…