it has been 2 years I think since the "mozy" story, we haven't seen each other since September eleven 2010
That's totally fine with me, or at least that what I think.!!
I have met a couple new good, caring great friends, I have gone into a new career, meet new people, different mentalities, discovered new places that totally took my mind of, my health has never been better, anybody that sees me talks about how shiny and comforted my face look, and last year I actually achieved all the plans I planed to do in 2010 and I am grateful for all this, I seriously am
So what's wrong with me?
Since two years I have never felt so happy, kind of happy like feeling you are flying, kind of happy like waiting for tomorrow to come this kind of happy that disappeared from my life
No longer excited about anything, I'm living like a shadow of me,
a heartless, mindless shadow of me
That didn't favorite a song, liked a piece of music, give a thumb up for a good romantic comedy , came up with one of those thoughts that used to keep people thinking and sleepless for days, write a post in this blog
With half the depth, the me type of posts as I used to write
Only thing I wrote lately was comments on books that I read, and for unknown reason reading is all I have been doing, well I have been watching too, just standing unnoticed in the background of life looking at people, at things, taking notes
Yet I don't have any clue why am I doing so, I feel I am hiding but I don't know from what, I feel I am lonely but its my doing only and it doesn't matter anymore.
I feel empty, and its rally frustrating , there's this thing that’s missing within me, the thing that gives meaning for life and living and I don't know what it is that I lost!?
Reason why I mentioned "mozy" in the beginning of this post is a saying I don't remember where I heard it or whom I heard it from, but I remember it says:
"when you truly love someone you gave them a piece of you".
so I loved him and I gave him a piece of me and he took it away and now something in me is missing, that’s the only explanation I have and no I don't feel the same way about him as I did before, actually I don't feel anything towards him right now, not love nor hate.!!
Am I trapped in the past refusing to move into new expectations, new stories?
Hell no I'm not, I moved on, I am sure I did,
yet to be completely honest there are things that still his, words, places, actions, stuff ,ect
Is it hunting me?
No its not, its just mutual memories that’s all
I am not getting anywhere from this post, why do all I say/think seems fuzzy, meaningless tough shit???!!!
no ending
