Do you relate at all to being sensitive or antisocial or introvert?

though I enjoy the balance of having a social life, I going shopping with the girls from work, spending time wondering at night with my car, and spend time with family and the remains few friends i still have.

yet, I always need time alone to counterbalance the time with others or outside of the confines of my bubble.

 I also enjoy being my own best friend. I never let myself down, you know?

i admit that I’m a pretty sensitive person.. Large crowds deplete me.

 I will feel tired even after eating at a restaurant, especially if people are loud. (On a side note: I can’t believe how loud some people are in restaurants! Do you really have to shout or talk on your phone in public?)

I laugh when people say that sensitivity is a gift. I relate to that a bit, but I have known so many gifted, talented, but sensitive creative people. We talk about how it’s our sensitivity that helps us get in touch with our creative sides.  I’m not so sure any more about that gift aspect of it.

I like to be all by myself at times. Other times, I feel like it would be nice to be around others, but I am tired in advance , and i don't know why so I don’t!!. 

I have found navigating through friendships as an adult to be very challenging at times. I tend to screen my phone calls. I tend to prefer emails, chat as a form of communication. I like to shop at stores during the week when they are less busy.. I do the best I can as much as i can bear, yet it still get into me and bother me being judged for being sensitive, antisocial or introvert..

that's when real life begins

When a couple first 'fall in love', they usually do not talks about what it means to be together, or what either are prepared to do or not do,

 or what is expected. 

Both parties are just feeling so good being around each other,neither stop to think about it.

 But then when the 'honeymoon' is over, there can be misunderstandings, hurts, resentments and unspoken rules broken.

and that's when real life begins..!!!

انا لست من مرمر ودانتيل

I have always had a problem with Nizar qabany poetry. There is something that bothered me about It but i just could not point it.

i mean the man loves women, to the point of adoration even!!
 what's MY problem with that exactly?


I cannot deny I liked some of his poetry. I would not seek it though, I would only read what comes in my way -whether by chance or recommendation-.

yet lately and with a couple of unpleasant incedent that accord to me i realized why i have problems with nizar 

my problem is "When someone refers me to Nizar", that is my issue.

 I do not want the "woman/muse" model.

 I do not have an issue with being an inspiration or a muse, in fact who wouldn't want to!

 But I do have an issue with this being what defines me.

 I have an issue with this forming a screen between "who I am" and "how you perceive me to be". 

Because I must stay young, and lovely, and sweet, and happy. I _must_ stay this person.

I must not worry or doubt or question. I must not feel insecure. Even when you like my imperfections, you like them as part of my muse-being, just like you would admire a chip in the body of a lovely sculpture, just like you admire Venus without arms.

the less walked road

i live by the clock that needs new batteries;

but i never buy them.

i like to live when the time does not move,

i like to believe that i dont have to rush through.

for every instance that i look around,

for every detail that i ponder over,

i take away a so called moment

from the so called definition of life.

time ticks by or it doesn't,

i atleast know that i am a bit closer to reality;

the one that illusion creates

runs farther with every piece of it.

the dust that i clear

when i revisit my life

chooses not to settle back ever,

because i promise to construct with them

the path that i have begun to tread upon

for life is not a multiple construction story

but the same one,one above the other.

provoking a feeling within me

sitting in my bubble now,listening to music as i am writing this

in spite of the fact that i prefer silence at such times

music always distracts.

but today it is behaving differently;

it is forcing me to write by provoking a feeling within me.

as is mostly the case, i leave the feeling unnamed.

they seem beyond the grasp of words like nostalgic and reminiscent,

the words dont describe the tears that my heart bleeds

when it gets in touch with sudden peace

And not just that-it is fulfillment.

it comes with knowing the fact that i am living:

honestly and in my true definition-

living with uncertainity and in the moment-

the secret of all risks, and success.

لكن فالقلب شئ ما

وضعت فالقلب صخوراً
مابين الصخرة والصخرة
جبل
كتبت عليه:ليس للحب أملٌ
أنطقت الصخر بكلمات
لا أسمح للقلب بسخرة
وكتبت نهاية كلماتى
قد ترك الحب على اعتاب القلبِ
جراحاً تنزف عبر الدهر قروناً
قد ترك الحب بعد الهجر عيوناً
تذرف من جرح القلب دموعاً
علّك تزداد بالحب جحوداً
يا قلبى
فلهذا ملأتك قلبى صخوراً
ما بين الصخرة والصخرة
جبل
أسميته
لا أقبل للقلب قيوداً
فالرجل لا يقضى وعوداً

i seriously mean it... BE CAREFUL

be careful what you wish for as it might actually come true, I learned it the hard way