Life goes on... and so will mine!

this quote has been lately moving around facebook "Life in three words; it goes on"

well, i already know that.

 I always did. In fact, I've always depended on that fact; knowing that eventually life goes on, as in not wait for me, as in, time will pass regardless of me doing or not doing anything with it.

yet as much as this fact is comforting in itself, people like myself , control-freaks, and analyzers find it hard to accept in some ways.

 Meaning, life will go on without my intervention, oh my God!

 What will it turn out like? 

What can I do about that?

 How can I make sure that it goes on in the direction I want?

 All these questions are basically answered negatively. This for a person like myself, kills me!

I faced my demons last night, how much I need to let go of the illusion of control that I give myself. 

I've been holding on to the past so hard, refusing to give life a chance to go on.

 I thought I couldn't let go.

 This whole letting go issue is really difficult for me.

 Really.

 You know those trust games where you're supposed to close your eyes and let yourself fall, knowing that your partner will catch you? I'd never do it, never did, never will! 

I can't consciously let go.

 I'm trying though, which brings us to the point I was trying to say.

 After all the events that I have been through lately I've been torn between wanting to let go and wanting to hold on to the memories, I took some physical steps but didn't take any emotional ones.

 Then I realized, everyone else's life goes on, perhaps except mine, cause I'm not letting it.

 My friend's lives are going out according to their plan/preferences, my family are having their life according to their carefully calculated plan, prince charming has his life going in the direction he wants,

 God, even the enemy's life is getting better.

 It's only my life that's not, or at least doesn't seem to be.

 Maybe because I am holding on to the past since I don't have a plan for the future. 

Again I get side-tracked.

 The point is, I am trying to let go of the past, trying to give life a chance to go on, trying to be optimistic about the future and be the sunshine person I used to be.

 It won't be easy, as my nostalgia struck and my brain dumb moments will come between me and letting go, but one thing for sure life goes on and its time for mine to goon too