dump mind

when the feelings of love are so overwhelming yet not reciprocated... when there's a lot of giving you want to give but are suffocated... it's either noone deserves it.. or everyone does; but you just don't know how.. when you feel like sharing and you find noone who cares or noone worth sharing ... when you feel like screaming but there's just no air so you can't even hear yourself scream.. or even worse, when it's too wide of a space.. so the echo of your voice return back to haunt you, to torture you and leave you more pain... So you say I'll smile... if I fake it long enough I know I can make it.. but you don't.. and you look in the mirror to see a you that you don't recognize what you see.. i say "what " because it is a mess.. a mess you caused by all your faking.. and it doesn't get better, but you hope and you say.. one day things will be better, I will be better , prettier.. inside and out.. calmer, nicer, happier or at least content... but the longer you walk, the darker it gets.. and you worry.. how long will my candle last... back to the love.. which causes all the problems.. I'm in love with him.. in love with her.. in love with you.. in love with all of you.. and I don't feel half as loved as I love... I'm not given half what I can give.. and it's not fair... but you say "life is not fair".. but I guess I'm just tired of pretending I had it all when all I have is null... well , not exactly null.. I have a lot alhamdulilah.. I don't want to sound ungrateful... but I'm just tired of this whore they call life who only offers instantaneous pleasures but only if you pay the right price... look at me.. I'm quoting the same ideas that I heard criticized over and over .. ...hence the bitterness... ...hence the loneliness... ...I'm becoming everything that I hated..