addicted to gray's anatomy and some fuzzy thoughts

the thing about it, is that I keep thinking and philosophizing about love, life , the universe and everything; actually mostly life and love. And here are a few of my insights: *I dislike Meridith Grey; can't stand girls like that in real life, the ones that go on and on making mistakes and blame fate or love or life for their choices in life. You made a mistake, deal with it. You made your choice, stand up to it..kefaya dala3!I can't take compliments, or accept being spoiled I really don't know how to. I don't know how to react or deal with it, and when someone tries to spoil me just a bit or tell me a nice complement, I either freeze, say something completely ridiculous or crack a smart-ass joke that totally ruins the moment. I don't know if it's fear of getting used to something that I know is either unreal or will just go away in a matter of time, is it a control issue (I am a control freak in a way) , am I just not used to people being nice to me or is it a built-in feature in my system that one can't override. *My favorite character is Christina Yang. I wish I was as tough as she is, even in her vulnerability, she is stronger than most. As much as I pretend to be tough or wear my plastic mask, everyone who knows me, or reads my blog knows how to penetrate that mask. I feel transparent most of the time. *Christina panicked when Burk opened the car door for her. I just realized, noone has opened the car door for me before. I try to imagine my reaction to that.. no clue! I keep comparing myself to George, whom I really like, but he has those bits and pieces that annoy me as they remind me of me; being everyone's friend, clumsy, emotionally attached to someone unavailable, smart at work but not so smart in relationships, says all the wrong things all the time, show when I'm lying and can't keep my mouth shut for long...etc *I think I'm the least interesting women possible in a relationship and really I started to understand the reasons for the 2 ex-s. If we say that men don't enjoy the chase, like mysterious women , mind games, just a touch of mess and spontaneity then I am simply unattractive.. However, the above, in my opinion, make me an excellent candidate for a best friend. A convenient person, who likes to spoil you and get nothing in return, who will show you how I feel about you without any mind games, transparent about how I feel and think and believe, will gladly take the responsibilities which you leave behind , punctual and organized. What would anyone want more in a friend? *As much as I like to compare, I know that this is just a series and it is not real life. You ask for proof, I quote a Beautiful South in Rotterdam , "And everyone is blond And everyone is beautiful and when blond and beautiful are multiple they become so dull and dutiful" *And even though everyone is blond and beautiful and that doesn't really happen in real life, one thing really happens in real life and is worth a celebration: friendship. Seeing how friends lift you up when you're down is worth way more than anything you can possibly mention.