you know in a way

i wish this whole thing had never happened. then i wouldn't be sitting here depressed with memories of him always on my mind. life would be so much easier that way .

are you that fool to fall in love !!!

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? it makes you so vulnerable, it opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up, you spend your life building up all these defenses, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stranger shows up out of nowhere, wanders into your life, you give them a piece of you they didn’t ask for it.. then They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages, it gets inside you, it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "i think its not gonna work between us" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart it hurts not just in imagination. not just in the mind, it’s a soul-hurt, its the kind of pain that get inside you and rips you apart... i hate love

its not about anyboday, its about me..

I am not in a need for love, and I don't mind growing up alone, , and if it will happen, I don't mind any more.. For the time being, I need my space I am not able to give love.. I am selfish. I can't give any promises I can't live without my privacy, liberty, freedom, maybe I am not worth it it is my emotions and heart that I can't give... It is about me.

a thought from today

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do..!!!

if only i could !!

If i can forget what it's worth, forget the disasters and dream about smiles and laughter If i can trust and confess that I've regrets see the sad shadow disappear and i will not forget If i can let go of everything and have that scar in my heart There is no end, its endless, something inside me will fall apart If i can give away memories and engrave the faces in my head And forgive everything that was said If i can forever continue to see always to replace the emptiness Or lost amongst all the addictions and chaos, it is waiting somewhere, i will dare to forever care If i can doubt not knowing the truth but still be willing to meet the unknown And as time passes, the lies i believed will fade Just waiting for happiness and love, my feelings may change If i can think about what I've learned, Or think about my wishes and dreams till my last breath If i can have mote faith and i live and see The beginning of me, who i will be and more than they ever thought i could be If i can get through my loss while standing alone If i can see the world as it is and hope that one day it will be easier If i can see more than all the ways we hurt, love , hate, strive, the slowly dying Or the secrets still unwritten even if i never stopped trying If i can clearly see that it's more than, fear, defeat, the beauty of the changing seasons And jealous or weakness for all the reasons If i can take the chance to promise forgive and forget Or the last words of insecure goodbyes, this won't make me be perfect, I'll be just alive and human.

still in writting mood, still have thoughts

I am nothing special; just a common girl with common thoughts, and I've led a common life up till now. There are no monuments dedicated to. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've managed to show love and give love to all the people that i knew who deserved to be loved or need to, i did it honestly and sincerely and with all my heart and soul and to me, this has always been enough.

are we human or objects??

mozy once commented in a photo I sent him from our first lunch together and said "don't build memories BUILD REALITY" I didn't understand what he meant then, yet in the last 4 days I found out that memory is really a bad thing to make; anything that turns human from being human is a bad thing If someone you once you knew at work or in a group outing or in any place turned into a phone number on your mobile or mail address it's a bad thing If your childhood classmate turns into a piece of paper in your drawer or a punch of old pictures it's a bad thing If your teenage best friend become a punch of greeting cards and silly dolls it’s a bad thing If the one you once loved turned into a thought at the back of your head, or a mail that you can't delete or a text massage in your mobile or a teddy bear, or gift he brought you that’s a bad thing It's just not right to turn people into dates, pieces of paper, pictures, MEMORIES It doesn't feel right that breathing living human beings turn into objects It doesn't feel right that my past, my triumphs, my success, my let downs, my failures, my tears my sigh, my loud laughs, my innocent smiles turn into words in my diary It doesn't feel right that people change It doesn't feel right that people got replaced It doesn't feel right that there's no other chance It doesn't feel right that memories is the only thing that remain it'll make me so sad to become turn into a memory i am a human being... i feel, i breathe, i effect, i got effected, i cry , i laugh, i walk i talk i don't wanna be a memory , i never wanna be.........

personal experience

our society suffers from a major deformation in their understanding for relationships, which of course would be a result for feelings and so on.. I find it very strange that people don't want to share/show their feelings in general let alone in public. this goes to any relationship that entails feelings event parenthood, parents definitely love their children but they never show how much they love them and this. if you go back in history to our role models in religion, Moses, Jesus, Mohamed and many of God's prophets (peace be upon them).. all shared and communicated their feeling with their followers, families, friends, ... I think people need to think more on how to make their beloved ones feel their love so they learn to share their feelings. It is not enough that you hear it, it has to be demonstrated in their attitude as well. the insurance i think feeling the pain is good. Falling in love is a risk like any other risk you take in your life whether in business, buying new car, taking career decision, etc.. you will never predict or estimate the results but you have some inputs and some calculation that 75% according to my experience or whatever this would work. The beauty of it is that you held beautiful feelings that some people didn't even realize how love really feels, so it is a blessing but it comes at the cost of the risk of losing this love. Some people cry out loud because they cant find the true love or even don't know how does this feel. you should feel pain and you should be angry but you should feel gratitude to God he gave you this blessing. and then comes the usual word (learned lessons) which i personally hate because learned lessons translates to things i don't want in my next experience so we end up with a mythical creature impossible to find :) I think learned lessons should be re-evaluated again. TRUST People are not up to their word these days. i don't know why.. is it the bad economy? is it the bad manors? is it lack of proper social etiquette, etc... What I couldn't believe is that i like watching old movies because they are full of those missing qualities. I wonder where did these things go? we need them. I need to trust my business partner, my life partner, my car mechanic, ... if you think closely about it... we lost trust in everything :( which is a dangerous thing when it comes specifically to relationships and love.. if you ask me my opinion... if i find my partner not trustworthy in his work life i would think about the whole thing because it traverse in everything you do in your life. read a book called "what happened to the Egyptians" by Galal Amin.. it will answer a lot of these questions on what has happened to our society... which of course reflects to the feelings and how we deal with relationships. I feel bad because the lost qualities and i cant stop reading or watching old stuff trying to learn how to behave and how to retrieve those qualities and spread them again at least in my controllable circle of trust,

during the week

i discovered two scary facts about me during this week: firstly i discovered the existence of somebody who is not my blood yet i would do ANYTHING for, and that (anything) is really scary for the both of us lastly i also discovered the existence of somebody whom i can be happy for , even if i've no tiny piece of happiness of my own

question from today

To live or to just be alive, that’s the question.

lyrics mood ---->You Owe Me Nothing In Return

I’ll give you careless amounts of out right Acceptance if you want it. I’ll give you Encouragement to choose the path you want if you need it. You can speak of anger and doubts, Your fears and freak-outs and I’ll hold it. You can share your so-called Shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won’t judge it. And there are no strings attached, You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give. You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have. I give you thanks for receiving, it’s my privilege, And you owe me nothing in return. You can ask for space for yourself And only yourself and I’ll grant it. You can ask for freedom as was Or time to revel and you’ll have it. You can ask to live by yourself Or love someone else and I’ll support it. You can ask for anything you want Anything at all and I’ll understand it. I bet you’re wondering when The next payback you’ll eventually drop. I bet you’re wondering when my conditions or policies will force you to cough up. I bet you’re wondering how far you now have danced moved back into dead. This is the only kind of love As I understand it that there really is. You can express your deepest of thruths Even if it means I’ll lose you and I’ll hear it. You can fall into the abyss On the way to your bliss And I’ll empathize with. You can’t say that you’ll have to skip town To chase your passion and I’ll hear it. You can leave and hit rock bottom have a mid-life chrisis and I’ll hold it.

..::GOODBYE::..

Goodbye to you and everything that you do Goodbye to happy, I'm now sad and blue Goodbye to that man, so honest and pure Goodbye to those eyes, that held many fear Goodbye to the hair I'll miss playing with Goodbye to those lips that i loved to kiss Goodbye to the laughter i hear in my dreams Goodbye to my world, or that's how it seems Goodbye to the love that i once felt Goodbye to that touch, that make me melt Goodbye to those feelings, guess they've all gone away Goodbye to those hugs, that could always make me stay Goodbye to those couple, they'd slow down the earth Goodbye to the "one", you'll continue the search Goodbye to the hand i once held in mine Goodbye to forever, don't worry I'll be fine Goodbye to i miss you, the texts, the calls Goodbye to the little things that made me fall Goodbye to the bed, i once lied upon Goodbye to that scent, I'm still smelling so strong Goodbye to the way i felt in your arms Goodbye to "no baby, i won't bring you harm" Goodbye to the words,once spoken so wise Goodbye to the little bits of advice Goodbye to the feelings, i have to let go Goodbye to the love, that i won't let show Goodbye to the way you used to make me smile Goodbye to the sun, its gonna rain for awhile Goodbye to the tears that will leave my eyes Goodbye to "I'd never make you cry" Goodbye to my soul, there's nothing left there Goodbye to everything, I'm left in despair Goodbye to my heart 'cause you took the key Goodbye to my a favorite part of me

about me

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay with this.

special relativity

its all about space and time, not just in physics , but also in every other aspect of life its all about how much SPACE something is taking , how much SPACE you want to fill, the method you use to fill it, its how mush SPACE that someone need to have from others... then there's time a fatal killing weapon, we have it, we lose it, we want it, we appreciate it, we hate it, we waste it....

wisdom from today

Saso Saso Saso :- you are an extremely dangerous, maniac person... you really must end up alone instead of getting somebody a heart attack ( that's a Sincere word of advice from me, noone else will dare to face you with this clear truth)

• somethings are better left undone , some wards are better left unsaid, some people are better left alone sometimes...
• good intentions don't erase the stupidity and foolishness that translated that intentions into act, good intentions didn't save me the embarrassing and the stamped bad Impression in someones mind....
• keep your feet away from the black couches
• don't walk on the carpets with your shoes
• don't touch the walls...
• don't try to get out a bottle of Pepsi out of the fridge because you may miraculously end up spiting the Pepsi one the plug and causing a fire!!!.....
• don't press the ON button on the A/C remote because you are not trusted to do so, something may happen!!!!....

though today was a chain of unexpected, wild, embarrassing, unreasonable, wrong events , the one that's really was kinda of nice is "to wait until the end, wait for what happens after, wait to enjoy the silence and peacefulness, wait because what happens after is who we are, and what its about.

• i still believe in your words "it will all make sense once we look in each others eyes"

finally today as i was opening the door to leave, i got this strange feeling out of nowhere that I'm leaving a part of me or actually all of me inside, i felt as if I'm not getting out the same me that entered, something surely has changed in me, or in this relation, yet i believe whatever it's , its permanent, i was afraid to shutdown the door, and after i did i stood for a couple of minutes in front of it staring at the door number, the tiny blue sticker and i had one one feeling, i no longer have access to this place , i felt i won't be here again... that's pretty much my day, horror and mass, insanity , silence, pleasure, and pain... P.S. tell you a secret, i wish i didn't put on my heroine character and decided to go. i didn't like what i saw or what i did :(

a thought on my mind

I felt upset when I knew that the world is deaf ...the world is blind... but I will still thank God because my world have a heart ...not a mind....

mozy

In the name of reason In the name of insanity In the name of believing In the name of dope In the name of i owe you In the name of the magic In the name of stopping the time In the name of what all of it meant to us In the name of the moment In the name of the past I'm extending my hand & I'll follow you down I'll follow you down I'll follow you down Don't hide in the hallway Call to me No one is listening Stay with me It's dark up there take my hand, I'm getting you out of the dark I'll follow you down I'll follow you down I'll follow you down

20/6/2009

do you ever look at a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? it makes me wonder how many strangers have pictures of me, how many moments of other peoples lives you've been in, ever thought that you were a part of someone's life when their dreams came true? or when their dreams died? did we keep trying to get into that cadre , as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take you by surprise? just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life and not even know it.

after all

after all the laughs, the tears. after all the crush, after all the things we been through, after all the special memories we made, it all may end up with an ugly meaningless goodbye.

its absolutely true

I am Me, you are you, he is he and she is she... but that guy over there is just weird

the trick

He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn't just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on whom of us is vulnerable enough today to express his feelings, and who will lose control on his words and say the words, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn't like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose.

PAIN OF FAILURE

I have known the pain of failure Frustration Disappointment Defeat Because i have taken a chance on Winning Succeeding Ac heaving It takes a lot of the first to get some of the second.

Is Love Blind?

Is Love Blind? What's The Big Deal With Love? Have you ever watched a friend in love do things they vowed never to do? It's like they are in another world! When the relationship is over the common statements are, "I can't believe I did that!" or "What was I thinking to allow that to happen!" I have found love to be blind because it is neutral! It doesn't see your faults. It doesn't judge you. It only knows what's in your heart. Yet, that's a good thing! Imagine love having stipulations on how one should love. Wouldn't that be weird? That's what millions of people do each day! Love being blind does not cause people to go through or stay in difficult and unhappy relationships. It's the individual who allows themself to stay that cause the problems. Each person has their view of what love is. Thus, they take a neutral feeling and make it conform to their view of love instead of accepting love as it is. That's where the problems begin! The different views of love often conflict. For example: * One person expects hugs and kisses every day while their mate isn't affectionate. Yet, he/she may show their love by being a provider and expect their mate to understand that. * Another person expects to hold conversations about the day during dinner while their mate just wants to eat and go to bed * Someone else may like to cuddle and hear I love you often while their mate prefers to show their love and give hugs instead of cuddling The point is once you tell love what it should be you set yourself up to be disappointed every time. But it goes deeper than that. You must identify the source or root cause of the problem. What causes a person to tell love what it should be? For some reason you seem to think you know what's best for you when it comes to love! This stems from your BELIEFS. That is the real problem! At one time in your life you were taught, learned or discovered what true love was and it stuck with you. Consequently, when you don't get love the way you were told or taught something must be wrong. You have to correct the problem (make love into what you think and feel it should be). Can you see how you can screw up a relationship by doing this? The solution is simple yet difficult. All you have to do is trust love and go with the flow. Things will not go the way you would like. However, that doesn't mean you will not end up at your destination (i.e., married, in love, with children, happy, etc.) All I'm asking you to do is give love a chance to show the way before you decided to take control! Finally, if your way was such a good way why is it you are still searching for love? Obviously, something is missing!

Too Often

Too often we don't realize What we have until it is gone Too often we wait too late to say I'm sorry - I was wrong. Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones We hold dearest to our hearts And we allow foolish things To tear our lives apart. Far too many times we let Unimportant things into our minds And then it's usually too late To see what made us blind. So be sure that you let people know How much they mean to you Take that time to say the words Before your time is through. Be sure that you appreciate Everything you've got And be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.

Not all roads lead to Rome, Some end in Egypt !

Egyptian national football team gave themselves a good chance of qualifying for the Confederations Cup semi-finals with a surprising but merited win over world champions Italy. i was extremely happy they won so as usual i wrote :) long have you stood Playing with the Eastern sun when bad times change to good You stumbled, crawled and fell And there are mysteries in you that none can solve or tell There are times when you hurt There are times when you act cruel When you give reign to injustice and let foul fouls rule But then these are the taxes I pay for you in love Long live your nameless glory Long live your eagles and your doves

mozy

I’m ok... but don’t leave me all alone... I need you...

And we couldn't wait to grow up !!!!

It's sad how your best friends become your worst enemy. Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Home work goes in the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from girls were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. the only drug you knew was cough medicine. Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. the only thing that hurt you was skinned knees and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up

tight places

By Marybeth Whalen "Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer." - Psalm 4:1 (NIV) Devotion: If someone asked you what it feels like to be stressed, anxious, worried or overwhelmed, how would you put it into words? The best way I can describe those feelings is that it is as though something is pressing in on me, pushing me down emotionally and preventing me from escaping my situation. It feels I'm in a tight place. The more these feelings build up, the more I want to lash out, strike out, or push back against my burdens. Though I might look okay on the outside (oh, those masks we wear), inside I am screaming and flailing about. Do you ever feel this way? Stress comes at us every day, in a thousand different ways. Job stress, money stress, kid stress, house stress, medical stress, relationship stress--the list goes on. Try as we might, we can't escape it in this broken world. We feel trapped and imprisoned by these things we cannot change, and they weigh heavily on us. When I read the verse for today, I was struck by the explanation in my Bible for the word, "relief." It literally means, "make room for me in tight places." Wow. I can totally identify with that idea! I know what it feels like to want someone to come along and make room for me in my tight places. Someone to remove the boundaries and burdens which threaten to smother me with their nearness. My stress level mounts, my blood pumps in my ears, and my hope takes flight. Whether it is the little irritations in life like being stuck in a car with a screaming toddler, or the big burdens of wondering about the future of my husband's job, I know these tight place feelings all too intimately. We all do. I love that this verse shows us Someone who can come and offer relief. So many times, we try to make our own space in our tight places--handling things on our own and attempting to solve problems without ever calling on the One who best knows how to make room for us. He is faithful to give us emotional elbow room, easing our burdens and offering us His wisdom. He shows us mercy when we call on Him, hearing our prayers and rescuing us from tight places. The next time you feel stressed, anxious, worried or overwhelmed, call out to Christ and let Him find you in your tight place, and make room where you thought there was none. Dear Lord, thank You for being the God who is near. When our tight places press in on us, Your presence is what we need. Thank You for offering us relief no matter what our circumstances. Help us to remember to call on You in our tight places.

have you ever felt that way?

Have you ever waited all day long for him to reply the message you sent him, or hoped that he'll remember you and msg you first? Have you ever stayed home instead of going out with friends hoping that he'll come online? Have you ever spent days and days making plans about you two, knowing deep in yourself that nothing of that is going to happen? Have you ever felt like you can't breathe when you look at his pics, cuz you want him to be right next to you so bad? Have you ever felt like this for someone you didn't even met in real? Is this even possible, or am I just getting out of my mind?

memorable times of my life

I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

It`s funny

It`s funny how hello always ends with a goodbye, it`s funny how good memories can start to make you cry. It`s funny how forever never really seems to last, it`s funny how much you`d lose if you forgot about your past. It`s funny how friends can just leave you when you`re down, it`s funny how when you need someone they`re never around. It`s funny how people change and think they`re so much better, it`s funny how many lies can be packed in one "love letter". It`s funny how people forgive even though they can't forget, it`s funny how one night can contain so much regret. It`s funny how ironic life turns out to be but the funniest part of all, none of that`s funny to me.

fairy tales

My prince had come My fairytale was about to turn the page towards my happily ever after when he realized that he hadn't slain the dragon I thought he'd jump of the horse face his fears, and finally slay the dragon but, he kept riding and told me to hold on the horse went to fast....and it was to hard to hold on I started losing grip I fell of the horse, scrapped my knee's got a little bloody but, come to think of it the best thing I ever did was fall off that horse now I know, that happily ever afters only exist in fairy tales and that I don't need a man to make me happy the only one that can make me happy is me...

i figure this out

There's a great difference between sadness and deprecation, See sadness is about feeling sorry over losing something that matters, and if something really matters you must stop and give your self the chance for morning over this thing, and with time you must also be brave enough to let go and move on with your life, yet deprecation is the feeling that you have when nothing matters anymore, nothing feels worthy, nothing make sense So it's ok to give your self the chance to be sad, and when you feel really depressed, think that god made you for some reason, and put you in this specific place among those specific people for a reason, and in the end realize that life does goon and won't stop for you or your sorrow or your deprecation….

23/11/2008

Dear god, I'm sorry for not always being the good girl you want me to be, I'm sorry for sometimes doing mistakes or even sins, I'm also sorry that up till now I've not figured out the right way to live, sorry for most of the times I've been living for myself, yet you created me, you know who I am and you are the merciful and you are all I have how either I'd the world or I'd nobody… So here I'm standing humbly between your mercy hands asking you by your greatest name which you answers anyone who asks you by it, my beloved god I'm asking you to be always with me, to guide me please never leave me on my own, I'm asking you to lead me to what's mine, what you want me to have and to give me the courage to let go of what's not mine, what you god didn't meant for me to have. Make me stop calculating and sitting plans and let it be your calculations and plans, ones that you sit for me the day I was porn, and make me feel satisfied with it Lastly I'm sorry for being stubborn lately, running after things and trying to grape what you don't want me to have Show me signs; don't leave me alone for myself and my limited mind wisest lord Thanks for all the comfort you giving me in the past days and for all the blessings you blessed me by through my life time Love you god

The Importance of Being Real

no one knows the importance of being real more than someone who herself was going to turn unreal at some point.. transform from a little boy to a wooden Pinocchio and not the other way round.. The world is really nothing but a big Barbie house.. cute.

i open up... that's me can you handle it?

Let me start off by stating a fact: I am not a good person. I am not terrible, neither am I aware of all my shortcomings. But again: I am not a good person. I know you're not surprised to hear this. Neither the fact itself, nor me admitting it.. If anything, noone ever accused me of being conceited (and I've been accused of a LOT other stuff!) "I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic —in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself." ~ Anaïs Nin As Anaïs Nin puts it, I do not feel the need to adjust myself to the world, I am adjusted to myself.. Neither do I feel a need to re-adjust the world to me, as a self-centered control freak would do. I am both all-knowing AND ignorant about who I am.. but that's again a part of me. This is me, can you handle it? I always feel there was more I would've done.. About almost anything in life.. and you know what? chances are, there was more i would've done, and i didn't do it, but it had to stop somewhere.. Almost but not quite.. always, always.. A sadist, masochist, racist, or whatever you may call me.. I am not interested in names and labels anymore.. And -maybe to your surprise- I am not interested in analyzing anymore.. I am interested in just "being", if it makes any sense to you. So, again, this is me. Can you handle it? I can be an asshole of the grandest kind I can withhold like it's going out of style I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone Who is as negative as I am sometimes I am the wisest woman you've ever met. I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen And you've never met anyone Who's as positive as I am sometimes. You see everything, you see every part You see all my light and you love my dark You dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here ..and yet, this is me, can you handle it? Then I will get all emotional, and I will start by saying a couple of "confessions" as I call them.. and they will always be in the form of: Do you know something? when I did *insert stupid action here*, I didn't really want to do it.. In fact, I did it JUST because I thought you would like it.. ..and you will think (and probably say) something along the lines of "and don't u have any brains and/or personality of your own to judge".. and I will think (and definitely say) something along the lines of "I do! but i just thought...." And so I will feel bad for my confessions, and I will go all analytical on you and me and it and us and them, and why and when and what if and all this jazz.. and you will be patient and impatient and cynical and serious and bored and offensive and defensive.. and I will tell you "momken 2a2ol 7aga'" and you will ask me to go on, and I will say I forgot.. because the only way I can talk with you is in drifting thoughts.. as far as I have the points I want to discuss written down so as not to drift (I did, and it worked, too little too late though) and if you read this far, you know this is me.. Can you handle it?

About a Girl (Between Darkness and Light)

He calls her Sunshine But she likes the rain A walk in the clouds To take away the pain They meet at the crossroad Of darkness and light He stares in bewilderment As she stares in fright She’s blinded by the darkness He’s blinded by the light In opposite directions They fade out of site A million miles away He’s staring at the sea Dreaming of tomorrow Things he wants to be A million miles away She’s dreaming of the sea As she slowly eats her brownie And drinks her cup of tea She looks across the table To the place where they used to sit Two lovers making promises, two lovers breaking up She smiles and flips the page, as she takes another sip The sea is quiet in awe The moon is falling off T he sun is rising high, the light is creeping in He’s thinking of the sunshine that he’s slowly writing off Alone at bed at night She dreams of a different world Where nothing ever dies Where no one ever leaves She dreams of a different world Where no one really cries Where their paths again meet At the crossroad of darkness and light

BECOMING A VIRTUAL ME

To exist logically but not physically…
To answer Shakespeare's question; to be or not to be… 
I decided to be a nameless, faceless entity in cyberspace… 
Let go of the gender, 
the age,
 the race and nation… 
Become an emotion with a font.. 
A Me++ in cyberspace... 
A pixel, a dot, with no display picture… 
And why would I like to display what I don't have… 
I am faceless as the wind… 
See me however you please 
I am nameless like a dream… 
Or a nightmare.. 
Or both… 
Because virtually, dreams and nightmares are the same… 
They coincide in me… 
The me that I chose to be… 
The me that I don't understand.. 
The virtual me

question on my mind

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

i am that kind of girl

I'm the girl that loves everything but hates the facts that she does. I'm the girl that has always followed her heart. I'm the kind of girl that says things she has no clue what they mean but doesn't want to be left out. I'm the kind of girl that listens to the things people say to me shake my head but never feel like listening to them. I'm the kind of girl that is always up-beat and fun with others but alone, sits and cries for something to change. I'm the kind of girl that wishes people would see the real her, and give her a chance. I'm the girl showing off, and I'm the one jumping at every chance to do it. I'm the girl that everyone really thinks has much of a talent, but rushes on home to write her heart out. I'm the girl people gets her involved, with things, with issues i don't know why? and although this bothers me, I let it slide. I'm the girl who listens to you cry, and reassures you everything gonna be okay. I'm the girl who cries herself to sleep, because her life is not what I want it to be. I'm the girl who wishes to stop being this girl, I'm the girl who wants to change, wants you to see it, wants to prove it, breathe it, live it, but selflessly lets everyone go first, because that's just the kind of girl I am.

It matters that the ONE that you love got it.

The problem with listening to music, with reading books, is that in the past 50 years, everything that you could say to a man or woman, it has already been said by some famous singer or writer. And if you listen to poems and read books as much as some people do, the moment you move in to tell that person how you feel, you realize that it’s something that someone else already said.

So you know, I mean, it wouldn't feel right to take someone else's words. I mean, I could say I'll never be the same. I could say nothing compares to you, i can't let you go, you left this emptiness inside, and I can't turn back time. I could say that you got me so hypnotized, that I wanna fight for our right to love. That this was over before it ever began. That I will never love again. How there's no sunshine when she's gone. How her beauty shines brighter than any star, how my dreams will be haunted by her memory. No, there is no such thing as original anymore, because whatever you think you can say, more than likely, somebody said it already, and probably made it sound better, and got paid for it. But the thing about that, is that millions of people have already read it, heard it, and felt it. It’s no longer unique. The poems I write, they are from my heart, to that one person. For in the end, it doesn’t matter just how many people know how you feel. It matters that the ONE that you love got it.

8 Toxic personalities to avoid user

by Brett Blumenthal - Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much. Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood. Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan. Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them: 1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want. Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities. 2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you." Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself. 3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be. Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself. 4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'. Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well. 5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible. Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars. 6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response. Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself. 7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you. Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected. 8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves. Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed. All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time. Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

why don't feelings come with an insurance policy?!!

what i do feel, is something that i'm sure about but, no-one, including myself has a guarantee of what are others feeling towards me ..... love is just a feeling, but is it really like the feeling of pain, that may die ?? i really don't know, but i doubt.. feelings are different regarding degree and perception when i fall in love, i really do i may never let myself fall in love unless i'm sure, but no-one has an insurance policy regarding the other partner's real feelings.... in my opinion, love, passion, sex, TRUST, care, warmth, jealousy and support are one unit, i don't think that some of them could be available without others. if my partner loves me or doesn't, how may i know??? i think love has signs, but again no insurance policy there's something strange happens to me in special, something that i can't find a clue for it why it's happening and why in such way? love as a feeling can't be a solo feeling, it's a mutual one whenever it happens from someone of those lots who did to me but i didn't feel anything to any of them, i don't consider it as a love, it might be something else like like and/or admire not love but whenever there's a mutual case, which i consider love, it ends usually the same painful end !!!! it seems that there's something wrong regarding myself, may be i don't know how to love??!!!! but, now, i don't feel that this is the end, i really don't know why, i'm still in love and in pain

life lessons

As i grow up, i learned that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let me down probably has. i had my heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. i also did break hearts, so i remember how it felt when mine was broken. i fought with my best friend. i blamed a new love for things an old one did. i cried because time is passing too fast, and eventually i lose another someone i love. So i just like to take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like I've never been hurt because simply sixty seconds i spend upset is a minute of happiness i'll never get back. I'm not afraid that my life will end, I'm just afraid that it somehow has never begin the way i wanted it to.

A BROKEN HEART

A BROKEN HEART is when you actually refuse to get out of bed in the morning because you are afraid of the reality that awaits you. A BROKEN HEART is when you think about the individual that broke your heart constantly. You reminisce the "Good Times" almost as if the "Bad Times" never existed. A BROKEN HEART is when you are crying yourself to sleep every night & yet crying more & more each morning. A BROKEN HEART is the unforgettable smell of his shirt that sits in that empty box; stowed away. A BROKEN HEART is the cold shattering feeling you receive when you hear the syllables of his name. A BROKEN HEART is glancing at the pictures of the two of you, & then quickly turning your attention to something else to avoid your tears. A BROKEN HEART is secretly wanting to run back to him & secretly wanting to just be loved by him again. A BROKEN HEART is asking desperately for just one last chance with the only person responsible for your loneliness. A BROKEN HEART is forcing yourself to hang up the phone after you have dialed the first three digits to his number. A BROKEN HEART is the emptiness & heart- wrenching feeling you encounter when you see him with his new love. A BROKEN HEART is knowing that no matter what you do or say to yourself, you can't fool your heart into believing that you will in fact "Be all right." A BROKEN HEART is listening to that one song that makes you break down over & over again. A BROKEN HEART sometimes means: not wanting to go on.

Definitions I

Heartache is feeling all the love you could possibly possess for that one person and at the same time know that the feelings are not mutual. Heartache is having that feeling of anticipation crushed down when you see him and know that you can’t have him. Heartache is trying to be a good friend and listen to him express his own feelings of love... for someone else. Heartache is trying hardly not to say or do anything that can demolish his current relationship. Heartache is wanting so desperately to grab him and give him one of those huge fireworks exploding, academy-award winning kisses,that would only happen in a movie because he's looking forward to be kissed by somebody else..... Heartache is forcing your body to play dead towards him so as to not give any true feeling away, even though the deafening sound of your heart beating out his name is driving you insane. Heartache is having to tell someone who just asked who that drove you home the other day and i reply: "oh him, we're just friends", while inside you cry and whisper.. "that’s all he'll ever want me to be to him JUST A FRIEND.."