why??

i wake up this morning with the following  question on my mind:

why we can't have hearts just like hair??

i mean hearts that you can cut it any time then it grows stronger and better as if it's brand new??

why??

answers would be very appreciated virtual world ...

2 stolen thoughts in a row

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but HAPPY." 

~ Unknown

stolen thoughts from maya angelou

"My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself".

~ ~Maya Angelou ~~

me: hell yes it is !!

Just a random cross-section in a perfect world.

as i've been more lonely than before lately, i have been musing myself with writing a story in my mind never wrote it, never tale it before now, i just muse myself with its company and its place in my mind.

that story is about a girl, A girl who sees colors when there aren't any !!.

She sees building facades red and green. 

she sees cars as cartoon creatures.

flowers talks to her.

She doesn't see the ugliness of life.

as she lives in here own world/in her own bubble, getting her energy refilled from her long walks in the worm morning sun everyday, where streets are clear, and peaceful, and its just her, her music and the sun raising, brightening the world around her..

sunrise has always been a mood changing event for her since she was a little girl.

it instantly makes her feel fine and cheered.

so whenever I need some entertainment and/or support, I dig deeply in my mind and wonder what  would the girl who sees colors do..
and that's what I come up with:-

Blow soap bubbles and observe them as they fly up towards the ceiling and stick to it, then give fruit to other smaller bubbles like raisin grapes?

The girl never saw herself. 
She doesn't know how she actually looks like. 

And for this reason, she never gets old. 
People only get older when they look to themselves in mirrors. 
She only sees others and knows herself through their stories.

The girl, when she's sad, she takes a pile of white paper, coloring pens, and a pair of scissors.

She sits in the balcony steel chair, where the sun sheds its rays.and the wind gently cuddles her face

On each sheet of paper, she would draw a butterfly.

Big butterflies for the big concerns, and small butterflies for the small concerns.

She would then start coloring them.
she would paint in hot colors the ones that are noisy, that speak a lot, and in pale colors the ones that do not speak much, but who are hiding deeper inside her head.

When she's done coloring them, she would slowly start cutting them with the scissors.

As soon as she's done cutting a butterfly, its wings would start clapping, as if they were waking up after years of sleep.

Then it would fly immediately from her balcony, heads back to where it came from, behind the sun.

------

its not me its Edna St. vincent Millay

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”
~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

this is just a quote right?.. its alright to post quotes/ quote other people, its not like i relate to these words or even think of anyone, 

disclaimer

i don't commit to making sense to others as long as i am making sense to me

and yes i know i shouldn't be doing so!!!

just note

So, this is my life?!!. 

well then I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be...

wearisomeness

i'm exhausted of  interfering people and their suggestions

i'm exhausted of acting as if i'm made of stainless steal

i'm exhausted of the fact that i only have one day off every week and i can't take vacations before 6 months 

i'm exhausted of stupid people's comments on the streets

i'm exhausted of the never out of time phrase " you have a marriage proposal" even at work they only knew me for less than 3 months and they started arranging for grooms for me

i'm exhausted of hating mozy, its too exhausting 

i'm exhausted of the fact that i now know how to lift myself up and letting me crash down or cry
................

i am exhausted that's all

wisdom from the day

some of the most important realizations in life happen in the blink of an eye... so we fail to understand how important it was to pay attention in the first place... 

should I ??

the intro

i'm the youngest single girl in my office, among a group of  ladies the youngest one of them is 37 or something

so far they are kind to me, always voluntarily showering me with advices about handling other co-workers

and teaching me how to do my work, or to be more accurate they end up to voluntarily do my work against my well and i accept their bossy actions, with a smile 

i don't wanna lose anyone and i don't want anyone to hate me, plus i'm still exploring the atmosphere

since my day one at the new work place i decided to challenge myself, not be judgmental, and just explore people, i decided not to reject people just because the seemed different than me in look, in mentality, in life perspective.. and above all i didn't want to do the thing i do best, the thing i always did which is "finding my way out of troubles via any mean/ taking the easiest way 

so far the plan is going fine, i am learning new stuff about life, people, work on a daily base

i'm bonding with new people

and.... i am ok , just ok not sure if i'm happy, but i'm calm, content and thats what matters 

i am pushing myself to positive thinking each morning, focused on keeping a healthy feelingless routine to my day don't want any extremes, even my famous mood swings i find technique to handle them ..

 the situation:

today at work one of my females co-workers said" i mostly like you for being on your nature, and followed don't let life change you, don't be artificial !!"

the thought:

i don't know if she mean this in a good or a bad way yet I said to myself 

"YES there's many things others won't do if they were me"

but they're not me.. 

and I am not them.. 

never will be, 

and not sure I want to be.. 

not in this aspect at least..

So, doing my stupid mistakes is better than faking someone else's smart actions.. 

the wisdom of the day:

"till it stops being painful".. it won't.